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Oh, Weddings....This Time, It Is Mine!

So a little less than a year ago I was planning and preparing for my bff's upcoming nuptials, I was planning to take my new boyfriend, Jason with me to not be the, 'single girl.'

Selfie from Anna's wedding.

Anna and I on her wedding day.

Who knew that the following April, I would be in her shoes...For the nitty, gritty, details of the whole thing, we made a wedding website.

The place it all started, Jack Beagles.

Now it is all about engagement photos, welcome bags, bridesmaids gifts....the list goes on and on.We met at work, we even told our story for AOL about how our romance blossomed at the workplace but managed to keep it (mostly) hidden from our bosses until he proposed in St. John, while on vacation. After that, there was no hiding this thing!

The Bling

Work took it well and the friends jumped in to help plan the wedding of the year. Whew...I had no clue a 'simple, easy wedding' could be so much work. I know it will be worth it, when it is all said and done but as for right now, I'm thinking we should have done Vegas. (I think I'll change my mind when I pick up my dress, Friday.)

Vlad is over the wedding, too.

Jason and I are just easy. I of course have nervous jitters about the concept of calling him, "my husband." I am not worried about how we'll make it. It is like we've both spent our whole lives to be prepared to be married to each other. He is my other half. Even the dog is annoyed with our love story.

My sister and are perfecting our crafting skills. Pinterest is my new best friend. We spent a few hours this week (mostly going back to Michael's for more supplies) making the decorations for the church pews.

Our pew decorations.

Seriously, in addition to Pinterest, Etsy is the other greatest invention on the interwebs. I've used them for the majority of my gifts for the parents and wedding party. Find it on Pinterest, buy it on Etsy. Unless, you have an amazing sister that can help you do it yourselves.

This weekend, we are making the wedding signs. Wish us luck. 

Oh Weddings

So my BFF is getting married next weekend. I'm thrilled for her. I'm at that point of my 30's where basically all my friends are married, getting married or have been married for a while. 

I am not married.

I've been engaged 3 times.

My grandmother is convinced that I'm never getting married. 

I'm totally happy. Actually, I can't pinpoint a point in my adult life that I was ever happier or more content than I am at this moment. I love who I am. I'm happy with the person I've become. My friends are incredible. I never feel alone. 

Do I want to be married?   Yes. I think so. 

Will the world crash and end if I never do? Nope.

Do I want children? Yes. I am sure of this.

Do I need to be married for this to happen? Nope. 

While I am certain I would have fit in perfectly in another time period, the 50's for sock hops or the 20's for the style...I'm certain that I'm happy that in 2013 I do not have to be married to live my dreams. 

Healing

How do you know you've healed?

You stop crying. Yep. There's one indicator.

You stop checking every possible source of communication to see if they have contacted you. Yep, that's another.

You throw away every photo of the two of you together with no regret of what, 'might have been.' That's a good one and really hard to do.

You see them in public and don't break down. You walk up and hug them, hold a good conversation that actually ends in laughter. At no point in this conversation do either of you insult the other in any way. You walk away feeling like you've just spoken to an old friend, not a mortal enemy.

That...is proof that you've healed.

The Tortoise and the Scorpion

Today on the way home from work, trying to clear my mind and remember all I may have forgotten for my trip to Buffalo, I was listening to This American Life. This episode was dedicated to the life of David Rakoff. I'd heard him many times on the broadcast and love his work. Today, I heard more than I bargained for. The piece ended with a rhyming couplet, story he wrote about giving a speech at a wedding. The main character, Nathan, gives this toast to the bride and groom...the bride was once his girlfriend and the groom, his best mate.

Through the story, Nathan tells the fable, "The Tortoise and the Scorpion." Read the transcript of the story here.

A quick summary of the fable: The Scorpion asks the Tortoise for a ride across the river. The Tortoise says no..."I know you, you'll sting me." The Scorpion pleads with the Tortoise, offering the argument, "If I sting you, we will both drown." Of course, the Tortoise agrees...only to be stung and killed by the Scorpion. The Scorpion only offers that it is in his nature to sting and dies as well.

I have to wonder...Am I the Scorpion? Am I meant to sting? Am I the Tortoise, that knowingly walks into danger, to help someone in need? Of course we all hope to be the Tortoise: He's open. He's trusting. He allows himself to be vulnerable. I feel like I am the Scorpion, most days. While not intending to sting, it is simply in my nature to sting before being stung. I live on the defense. The ending line of the story discusses the moral of the story...

Though it may spell destruction, we still ask for more,
since it beats staying dry, but so lonely on shore.
So we make ourselves open, while knowing full well
it's essentially saying, please, come pierce my shell.

Wow! Talk about hitting home. Meanwhile...I've been reading, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brene Brown. I just finished her book, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. She just released this one and I had to read it.

I know that letting go of things, admitting my vulnerabilities and letting others take control is a personal struggle for me. As I'm rolling over the last read chapter in my brain, I hear this:

Though it may spell destruction, we still ask for more,
since it beats staying dry, but so lonely on shore.
So we make ourselves open, while knowing full well
it's essentially saying, please, come pierce my shell.

We make ourselves open. We allow others into our lives and, knowing full well they can pierce our shells, we have to open or remain alone on the shore. We need the constant connection of others. Failure is ok. Failure is a human experience. While failure may happen, we may hurt each other, we may get hurt: it beats staying dry, but so lonely on shore.

Day Five Video Blog

Day Four

Today was the last day of training, so for a treat, the class got to watch Big Bang Theory. Watching this, in India, was hilarious. Because my sleep schedule is so disrupted, I got ill after lunch. It wasn't bad, just nauseated due to lack of sleep. I pushed through and made it.

Akshardham (from their website)

After work, Rohit, Michael, Harry, Josh and I got to view Akshardham. It is famous temple in Ghandinagar. Sadly, we couldn't take photos of this beautiful place. We walked through the temple barefoot and viewed the museum. As someone who grew up in a museum (Discovery Place for 8 years) I'm a sucker for dioramas and preserved clothing. Granted, we were indoors, with no AC but I just studied everything. Here is the site, their photos are better than I could've done anyway.
Akshardham Temple

The Laser Show all projected onto a water curtain. (from their website)

The viewing of the temple was followed by a laser show projected on a water curtain. It was so cool, but in Hindi, so Rohit had to retell the story to us after the show. We were all a bit lost. Again, no pictures, but there is a website.
Laser Show

Again, I can't express how much I love this country. It was on my bucket list visit and I'm so fortunate to have achieved it. I can't wait to travel more. Also, I can't wait to come back to India.