“I believe in pink. I believe that laughter is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing. Kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the
prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in
miracles.” - Audrey Hepburn
It really started me thinking. I've been on an interesting life journey since last November. I began to notice things in my life that just weren't fitting the bill in my opinion. I just wasn't fulfilled. I wasn't experiencing joy nearly enough. I had just turned 29, started my final year of Graduate school, and landed myself in the hospital.
I began noticing significant changes in my health all associated to stress. The stress was physical, emotional, mental. I was burned out, confused, frustrated, and above all tired. Now, ending up in the hospital isn't the way I wanted this to happen. I've always been a stress handling champion. I'm a list maker, mountain mover, and insomniac. I have plenty of time to do all the things I need to get done in a day. Well, no matter how good you think you are at it, your body knows what it needs. Mine needed sleep. It was going to get it one way or another. It did via a shot of heavy narcotics because of a muscle in my neck that wouldn't relax.
So, I went to the ER, my friend Scott came over to take care of my drug induced body. As I was drifting in and out of consciousness, I began to evaluate my current level of contentment.
Was I safe: Yes, well mostly
Did I have a roof over my head: Yes
Did I have food to eat: Yes
Was I as happy as I wanted to be: No
Now, I had nothing to complain about. I had a job, home, car, boyfriend, etc.... But at the end of the day, could I honestly say I was living life to the fullest? That was a no.
I was not loved. Not the fairy tale, mind-blowing love...just simple, I know you will be there if I need you, Love. I didn't have it. Here I was, 29 years old, with the world at her fingertips, and didn't have the one thing I desired the most. Love.
So, in the last year, a lot has changed. I left the abusive relationship, gained a dependent by way of my 19 year old sister, was hired full-time at an Instructional Design firm, turned 30, and finished my Master's.
I haven't found that simple love I was pining for in a partner yet, but I have found it everywhere else.
Inside of an abusive relationship, you feel disconnected. You are led to believe that NO one will believe you if you speak out. NO one will ever love you again, because you are damaged. Also, there is a false understanding of who your real friends are. I was told many times that if I left, I would be alone. I would be shunned by all our joint friends, and the friends I thought I had were just in my head. I was told, my 'friends' actually thought I was crazy and talked about me behind my back constantly.
Guess what? None of those things were true.
In this past year, I have found and experienced love like I've never seen before. It has come in all shapes and sizes. From places I didn't know existed. I've grown closer to my extended family. Through this expansion, I have had love poured over me from all sides. My friends, the ones I thought would desert me, have come through like champions! They've laughed with me, encouraged me, celebrated with me, and let me cry when I needed to. These friends are treasures. You know who you are...pat yourself on the back for me. Finally, I've developed an incredible bond with my sister. She's been my rock. She's seen me in my happiest times and my saddest of times.
I may not have found the love in a partner, yet...but when I do, I'll have a lot of extra love to give!
So, Ms. Hepburn, here's to you!
- I do believe in pink - all things pink
- I have burned a lot of calories this year through laughter
- I absolutely believe in kissing a lot - I am looking forward to doing a lot more of that in the coming year
- I believe I was strong when everything was going wrong
- I must be very pretty, because I am truly happy
- I've seen miracles with my own eyes
- Tomorrow is another day, but I'm going to live this one to its fullest
No comments:
Post a Comment